Emotional Eating Solutions: Asking for help – why it might not be helping

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One of the most common reasons smart, capable women stay trapped in cycles of struggling with overload, overwhelm, and overeating, is a lack of consistently used, high quality support in their lives.

“Asking for help” sounds like a simple strategy, but for many high-achievers, it just ain’t so.

Here are the most common reasons you may not be getting the help you need.

Shame. Some high-achievers equate strength with self-reliance. They are so strongly independent that they haven’t permitted—or perfected—the skill of asking for help—at least in certain areas of their lives. The belief that health and well-being ought to be areas they can take charge of on their own holds them back and keeps them struggling, in part because they aren’t leveraging the support that they count on in the rest of their lives. If you are carrying a belief that you “shouldn’t need” to ask for help or if you aren’t used to doing so, shame may be holding you back from getting what you need to move forward.

Unused muscles. If you aren’t someone who has asked for help in the past (maybe you’ve even congratulated yourself for this as if it were a strength), then you probably find yourself in situations where help would be useful but it doesn’t even occur to you to ask. If this is the case it’s time to start waking up your “delegating” and “asking for help” muscles. Begin by asking yourself about the situations or struggles that others might be able to help you with. Notice the places where you feel stuck and consider who might have the expertise or wisdom to guide you so that you don’t have to keep struggling to reinvent the wheel.

Being a one-strike-and-you’re-out-support seeker. If you find it challenging to ask for help, you might not be pushing hard enough to get it. If you find yourself thinking, “I asked for help and they never followed through” or, “it just wasn’t’ very helpful—I guess I just need to do it myself,” you aren’t alone. However, these experiences are not reasons to stop asking—they are probably indications that you need to ask more, follow up, and make sure that you are crystal clear about what you are asking for. “I could use some help” and “Would you please stop and pick up dinner on your way home” are two different requests that will yield very different results.

Not knowing what to ask for. This is a big one, and it’s another reason that many women shy away from the help that could really propel them forward. Don’t be afraid to ask others for ideas: “How could you help out with this?” Most of all, don’t short change yourself because you aren’t quite sure what you need. Reaching out to an expert, describing the situation, and finding out what resources are available might make all the difference.

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Food and Weight Battles:

(Why You Will Never Win )

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“I’ve been fighting with food my whole life.”

“I’m so sick and tired of fighting with my weight. I don’t think I’ll ever win.”

“It’s been going really well and I’ve lost twenty-five pounds. I just wonder how long it will last.”

These are real quotes from real women who contacted me recently about my emotional eating coaching programs. I get emails almost daily from women who’ve spent more energy than you can measure fighting with weight, battling the scale, and trying desperately to control their eating.

Even when things are going “well,” it can feel like a tightrope act requiring constant discipline, vigilance, and will power.

It’s exhausting. And the sad thing is, it’s a losing battle.

Because it IS a battle. And it will continue to be a battle, even if you are winning it.

As long as you are battling, food cannot be your friend. And when you “battle” your weight, you are at war with yourself. I’d like to suggest a different way of approaching all this that will allow you to stop struggling, fighting against yourself, and feeling guilty and ineffective.

There is no trust or ease or peace or relaxation.

A fight means that food potentially has power over you.

Battles take energy. Valuable energy. Even if you are winning.

As long as you are battling, food cannot be your friend.

And when you “battle” your weight, you are at war with yourself.

Clients have come to work with me because they are determined to win the battle. And I’ve always suggested a bigger and more rewarding challenge.

I call it peace with food.

Peace. Calm. Ease. No conflict. A relationship with food that works. That doesn’t drain your energy or your mood. That allows you to move forward and be your Best Self.

Peace with food is a relationship without tangles or desperation or deprivation. Food fuels your body. Food feeds your senses. You can taste and you can savor. And when you aren’t hungry, you can walk away.

Peace with food begins with the acknowledgment that your current relationship with food exists for a reason.

Be respectful and curious about how you are currently using food:

• to cope?
• to manage feelings (emotional eating)?
• for comfort or to protect yourself?

With the right tools and support you can find alternatives that work better. You can stop fighting and start creating peace with food.

And then you can start thinking about what you will do with all that extra hope and energy.

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When Life Gives You Lemons: Strategies for Avoiding Stress Eating and Comfort Eating

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No matter how much yoga, meditation, or spa time you put in, life will eventually through you a curve ball. And if your life is anything like mine, life often seems to throw two or three at once. The balance can tip from bliss and balance to stress and overload pretty quickly. And the best new habits, the most well thought out food plans, and the loveliest self-improvement strategies can quickly go to h*ll in a hand basket when stress, exhaustion, or just-plain-misery enter the picture.

When the going gets tough—many women just want a carb-fest.

One of the most frequent questions I am asked is how not to turn to food for stress relief or comfort.

Having a rough day, week, or month? Here are some strategies that can help:

Strategies for Avoiding Stress and Reducing Comfort Eating

Have an Instead Plan

White knuckling it rarely works for very long, and when you eventually have to let go, the reverberations can be huge. In fact, one of the most common triggers for food binges is deprivation and extreme dieting. What this means here is that “not eating,” is not a strategy. If you are going to get through a rotten day without resorting to chocolate, you’re going to need some ideas of what to do instead.

Here’s something else you need to know. When you are in a state of stress or overload, or any other strong emotional state, your brain isn’t firing on all cylinders. Creative problem solving is impaired. It’s best to create your Instead Plan before the crisis hits. You’ve heard this from me before. Start making a list of possible alternatives to overeating now.

Aim for the low hanging fruit

Strategies to avoid comfort eating and stress eating should be easy. If you are having a bad day, don’t expect an awful lot of yourself. When I help my clients craft their instead plans, it’s not uncommon for their first ideas to be out of alignment with their mood and their energy level. “I know that instead of bingeing on leftovers, I should go work out/do the dishes/stop procrastinating on … ” are all common responses. Maybe. I’m a firm believer in the power of exercise to shift mood and energy, and accomplishing something does feel good. But if you feel like collapsing onto your sofa and you give yourself a choice between leftover macaroni and cheese and a half hour on the elliptical or finishing your taxes—do you think your instead plan has an iota of a chance? Really?

Identify strategies that match your energy level and your motivation on a cruddy day. That probably means going for the low hanging, easy-to-grab fruit. Also, make sure your strategies meet the same need that the food would be attempting to fill. If you are seeking indulgence and comfort, than “tough love,” isn’t going to fit the bill. Instead of a hard workout, you might want to consider a movie you can get lost in, a phone call with someone who loves you, a lazy evening on the sofa, or a long hot shower.

Retreat

Sometimes we resort to stress or comfort eating because we simply don’t know what else to do. It’s an attempt to keep going when the going has gotten really tough. It’s hard for high-achievers to comprehend, but sometimes the most effective thing you can do is to do nothing. Stop. Step away from your stress for ten minutes or a day. Change your scenery—leave the room, go outside, or take a short drive. Consider retreating into your senses. Choose a short escape into a sensory experience that is not taste—a warm bath, great smelling tea, a foot massage, or some fragrant flowers. Take a nap. If you are someone who seems to spin out of control with food after a long stressful day, don’t be afraid to throw in your cards for the night and go to bed early. You could probably use the extra sleep anyway and you’ll wake up with more perspective and better focus.

Call in the troops

Stress is often not only a trigger for overeating, but for isolation. It’s not uncommon to feel “too busy” to ask for help or to reach out for support. It’s a big mistake. Tell those who love you that you are having a hard time and you could use some support (even if you aren’t sure what they could do). Give away, delegate, or ask for help with the tasks that you can share or let go of. Ask for company, or ask for the support you need so that you can be left alone. Here’s something important to note. Strategies for avoiding comfort eating and stress eating aren’t usually major life overhauls. They rarely fix the stressful or difficult situation—but then again, neither does eating. What these strategies are designed to do is to help you feed your spirit and your soul during a very tough time.

Isn’t that what comfort really is?

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If Your Weight Could Talk…

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It is my belief that we are all wonderful magnificent bundles of energetic love. That is our true or authentic essence. We know this when we are born, but somewhere along the way we disconnect from our authentic self; and in the process we learn to speak the language of harsh self judgment and negativity. One of the ways to tell if you are “disconnected’ is that you approach the task of losing weight from a place grounded in hatred and contempt for your overweight body and perceived lack of willpower. Your self talk may sound something like this: “I hate my body, I can’t wait to lose weight, I can’t go to that party looking like this, I can’t believe I ate that, I am so mad at myself, I know better, I should do better”.

If that sounds like you, and you would like to re-connect with your authentic self, I suggest that you take a different approach to losing weight. Honor the role that compulsive eating and excess weight have played in your life. Be kind and gentle with you. If what you want more than anything is to have a slender healthy body and you do something to sabotage that, that ‘s the time you need an emotional HUG, not a beating.

Know this: whenever anyone is acting in a way does not honor their highest good they are disconnected from their truth. They are just trying to feel better.

Overeating is often an attempt to self nurture. I suggest that you try releasing your excess weight and the behavior of compulsive eating from a place grounded in the energy of Self Love and Compassion, not self degradation and frustration.

Many people describe food as their best friend; something they can count on that is unconditional and consistent. They use the behavior of compulsive eating to soothe a broken heart, calm an anxious mind, let go of a crazy day at the office, lift their spirits, reward themselves, or connect with family and friends. I’ve even had people tell me they don’t know if they’d be alive if they didn’t have food to turn to in particularly dark times for if they didn’t have food to numb their feelings they fear they would have turned to alcohol, drugs, or even suicide.

Can you relate to any of these concepts? If so can you see that you were/are using food to try to feel better, not because you are a bad or weak person?

In terms of excess weight, people have told me it made them feel grounded and strong. It was their identity. Others have said that it has protected them from the anxiety associated with dating and intimacy. I’ve had people tell me their weight gave them an excuse to not really “go for it” in their lives. If they didn’t get the job they wanted or didn’t have a date, they blamed it on their weight.

Below is an excerpt from my e-workbook “Live Your Highest Good Make Peace With Your Body and Food” that may lead you to greater insights as to why you carry with you excess weight.

So think about this: What role has your excess weight played in your life? If your weight could talk, what would it say?

As you answer the following questions be aware of any significant or uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, impulses or sensations in your body. Notice if you are able to stay focused or if your attention wanders.

1.Close your eyes and picture the people who raised you standing in front of you. Imagine that you are at your heaviest weight. If your weight could talk, what would it say to them?

2.What would your heaviest weight say to your siblings or other relatives?

3.What would your heaviest weight say to any other significant people from your past?

4.What would your heaviest weight say to significant people in your life today (partner, spouse, coworkers, friends.). Take some time and really think about this.

Your Healthy Weight Voice

Now imagine yourself at your ideal healthy weight. And imagine those same people standing before you. How do you feel now being with them without your excess weight? Do you feel strong and empowered, or do you feel somewhat scared and vulnerable?

What would your healthy weight voice say to: The people who raised you? Your siblings or other relatives? Other significant people from your past? Significant people in your life today?

Reflection:

What have you learned through this exercise about the role excess weight has played in your life? Who would you be without your weight?

Try this exercise the next time you take a shower:

As you wash each part of your body bless it and send it love. Speak to your body as if you were speaking to a child or friend whom you love unconditionally.

Thank your body for being there for you. Remember that no matter how much you stuffed it, starved it, exercised it or not, it keeps getting up and showing up for you every day.

Bless and love your head, your eyes, your ears, your nose, your mouth, your chin, your neck, your shoulders, your arms, and your hands. Bless and love your back, your chest, your abdomen, your hips, your genitals, your thighs, your calves, your ankles and your feet.

If you have excess fat on your body love it and bless it. Thank it for having been there for you. Know that you created it to serve as a protective shield for you to keep you centered, grounded, and safe.

Now visualize yourself standing before a gateway on a beautiful hill or on the crest of a wave. Your entire life lies behind you and below you. See that every experience of your past is tied to you by silver and golden threads. Pause and review these experiences… all the joys and all the sorrows… all the adventures it took to bring you to this point… remember all your struggles with your body and your weight. Observe it all, bless it all, thank it all…especially the struggles.

Now untie the threads attaching you to the past, and with all the love you can muster, let your excess weight know that it is safe for it to go now.

Tell it that you are releasing it with love and gratitude, and you are now ready to learn new ways to love and nurture yourself. Release it all and bless it all.

In releasing your attachment to the past, you claim your power in the present.

WOW!!! How did that feel???? Take time to write any reflections, thoughts or feelings that surfaced while doing the shower exercise.

You may even want to write a love letter to your body!!

Have a beautiful day!

Live in Love,

Louisa

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Emotional Eating Does Not Make You a Loser

((But it will keep you from losing weight))

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My guess is that emotional eating haunts most women who are struggling with weight loss. It’s a major cause of diet failure (although we all know diets don’t really work anyway) and a huge contributor to weight gain.

Stress eating, anxiety eating, boredom eating, frustration eating. Eating to soothe yourself, calm yourself, distract yourself or cheer yourself up—these are all forms of emotional eating.

In a world where everything seems to move faster and faster and the demands and the to-dos just keep coming, it’s simply too easy to turn to food to try to take care of ourselves. It’s quick, it’s everywhere (it seems), we can shovel it in while we are doing all the other things we need to do, and we don’t have to step on anyone’s toes to grab a quick bite (or two or three).

Most women who struggle with emotional eating also feel frustrated with themselves about it. Emotional eating erodes self esteem. Many women feel shame or guilt. They blast themselves with the belief that overeating is “an easy way out” and call themselves lazy or stupid or losers. They retaliate by “starting over” and telling themselves that this time they will push harder, be stricter, and find success.

Guess what? It rarely works and it often makes things worse.

Emotional eating is not a battle that is won (permanently) by willpower alone. Sure, we can all “white knuckle” it for a time, but plans based solely on willpower will always reach a place where you don’t have any. And things tend to go downhill from there.

Would you like the key to breaking free of emotional eating so that you can make peace with food?

Stop calling yourself a loser. Stop beating yourself up and start taking on your emotional eating with compassion and respect.

Here are the keys to breaking free from emotional eating:

Identify when you are too busy and start to take charge. If you want to take control of your overeating and your weight, you MUST take control of your life. It’s the truth. Learn to pause amidst the busyness and get grounded. Use these pauses to identify your priorities (and time for YOU needs to be one of them). Learn to say no and to delegate.

Recognize that emotional eating may not be an easy out—it may be the only way you know. Willpower isn’t a permanent solution but you may be relying on it because you don’t know what to do instead. Developing tools and strategies that work, and that you can use instead of overeating, is crucial to putting an end to emotional eating. Don’t sell yourself short. Learn how to address the emotions and the situations that trigger overeating and you will truly be the one in control.

Start practicing kindness. Yelling louder and being meaner is not an effective way to deal with your kids, your friends, your pets, or even yourself. Many women say things to themselves in their heads that they would NEVER utter to anyone they know (let alone someone they care about). Start treating yourself with compassion and your struggles with respect. Take yourself and your difficulties with food seriously (instead of devaluing yourself) and you will be well on the way to finding meaningful solutions.

Stop seeing help as a failure. You don’t know what you don’t know and just like you very likely can’t generate a sentence in Swahili simply because you “want to,” changing your relationship with food requires more than desire. Respect yourself enough to allow yourself the help and support that you need. Getting out of your own head, finding support, and learning from the expertise of another can be the ticket to major changes.

Emotional eating is a major problem that many struggle with. It’s also something you can break free from. Treating your relationship with food and yourself with respect is the first, crucial step.

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Emotional Eating Help: How NOT to Eat When You Don’t Know What Else to Do

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Emotional eating is a tough habit to break, and let’s face it—the urge to overeat usually happens when we are not at our best. It’s all well and good to have a plan to end emotional eating and lists of what to do instead of overeating, but, in the moment, sometimes getting out of the vicious cycle of turning to food can seem impossible.

Here’s an important emotional eating tip: When you don’t know what to do, do nothing.

That’s right. In spite of what your high achieving inner-perfectionist may tell you, you don’t need to unfurl a perfectly designed plan to have an impact on your eating. When you hit that spot where you are starting to feel out of control, when the snacking won’t stop, when you have an urge to overeat at work or to stand in front of the refrigerator after dinner, just stop—and do nothing.

I’m not suggesting you stop forever or title your stopping “I Won’t Eat.” Just insert a short break. Take sixty seconds to breathe deeply and take a small step back from the situation. Don’t focus on the negative. Don’t focus on what you don’t know to do. Don’t focus on being frustrated with yourself.

Breathe deeply and ask yourself what you know and what you need—in this moment. This is not a big picture question. This emotional eating intervention is about taking a few seconds to take care of yourself for the next sixty seconds.

What do you need NOW?

Maybe you need a change of scenery (think small and do-able, this means a walk around the office, not a trip to Tahiti). Consider a breath of fresh air, a phone call to a friend, a drive around the block so you can scream in your car, or maybe two minutes with your eyes closed, breathing deeply and reconnecting with you. Inserting this short break may not feel like much, but when you pause in this way, you break the auto-pilot pull of emotional eating. A short break gives you a different perspective, and, by choosing to take it, you step into the driver’s seat. You get some power back. It’s not a “perfect” fix, but a short break changes the moment and may reduce the power of what is triggering your hunger. It gives you time to refocus and when you refocus you are better able to strategize and to think.

Inserting a short break also allows time for feelings to fade and to shift. Sometimes that can make all the difference in the world.

If you are tired of struggling with emotional eating and overeating and ready to make a change that sticks, the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program shows you how to take control in simple, do-able steps that fit with your needs, your preferences, and your schedule.

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Emotional Eating Solutions: Five Things You Can Do to Control Your Cravings, Eat Less, and Thrive More

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Are you fed up with struggling with overeating, starting another d-i-e-t that you know will probably blow up on you, or wishing your pants were not so tight?

Here are five simple things you can implement today to control your cravings, eat less, and thrive more.

1. Sleep. Don’t keep working harder and harder. Play it smart. Women who average five hours or less of sleep per night weigh more, gain weight more easily, and crave more carbohydrates and fattening foods—and it’s not in their heads! Sleep deprivation leads to chemical changes in your body that cause overeating and weight gain (even if you don’t overeat). Aim for at least seven and a half hours of sleep per night. Not only will you be less hungry, your productivity, focus, and creativity will probably improve. You may even find yourself accomplishing more than when you were burning the midnight oil. Additional bonus: you’re likely to feel a whole lot better.

2. Pay attention to your feelings. Emotional eating—eating as a response to feelings—is a major cause of overeating and packing on the pounds. Stress eating, comfort eating, eating out of frustration and even eating out of boredom or happiness can all sabotage your weight loss plans. Develop strategies to check in with yourself and with how you are feeling so that you can respond to your emotions in ways that don’t involve food. Added bonus: when you address your feelings instead of feeding them, you will be taking charge of your life and responding to what you really need. When you do this, life gets better.

3. Carve out time for you. Stress and overload can be a direct path to weight gain. If you’re feeling time crunched, you’re likely to make the all-too-common mistake of cutting out the activities that are actually the best for you. Me-time helps you relax and unwind. It also gives you an opportunity to pay attention to yourself and what you need to function and flourish. When you meet your needs and care for yourself in quality ways, you are less likely to find yourself using food as a “special treat” or a “band aid” to help you get through the day. Practice giving yourself a five or ten minute time out a few times a day. The bonus: these short breaks help you get perspective on your day. You’re likely to feel more organized and relaxed as a result.

4. Feed yourself quality food at regular intervals. If you are trying to eat less, it can be tempting to cut back too far and allow yourself to get too hungry. Big mistake. While depriving yourself with strict diets may initially seem to create results on the scale, in the long run, eating too little leads to stronger cravings (usually for foods that will spike your blood sugar levels quickly), overeating, and binge eating. Do you find that your healthy eating plan always gets blown in the afternoon or evening? Try eating smaller, more frequent meals during the day and make sure that you are including some protein each time you eat. Bonus: when you feed yourself well, both your energy levels and your mood are likely to improve.

5. Savor. You might be surprised to find how little of what you eat you actually allow yourself to savor and enjoy. Eating on the run and multitasking while you eat mean that your attention is divided between food and your hunger and whatever else you are doing. When you eat without giving it your full attention, you are likely to eat more and not feel as full. Impose a ban on multitasking when you eat. Take your time and practice eating mindfully—paying complete attention to your food—the taste, smell, even the texture. Notice how full or hungry you are and allow yourself to enjoy the act of eating. Bonus: savoring is a pleasant activity and it tends to be relaxing. Practicing enjoying your food in this way and getting in the habit of doing one thing at a time is a great strategy for reducing stress. If you apply the concept of not multitasking to other areas of your life, you’re also likely to see an improvement of the quality of your results.

These tips may sound simple, but they are powerful steps towards helping you curb your cravings and thriving in your life.

Are you a smart, busy woman struggling with stress, overeating, or overload? Claim your free audio set: ”5 Simple Steps to Move Beyond Overwhelm With Food and Life” at www.TooMuchOnHerPlate.com.

Melissa McCreery, PhD, ACC, is a Psychologist, ICF Certified Life Coach, Emotional Eating Solutions specialist, and the founder of www.TooMuchOnHerPlate.com, a company dedicated to providing smart resources to busy women struggling with food, weight and stress. She is the author of the Emotional Eating Toolbox(TM) 28 Day Program and the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Weight Loss Surgery Edition. Bariatric professionals: Customized patient materials and programming are available for bariatric practices.

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Dangerous Myths About Willpower and Weight Loss

(An important post about overeating, willpower, and beliefs that may be sabotaging you)

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Change is not a one-shot-deal, especially as it relates to emotional eating. Are you letting new tools in? Are you struggling to be tougher, have more willpower, or resign yourself to deprivation? Your choices are powerful. You can set yourself up to succeed by making decisions that support your goals.

She called me to schedule a consultation to discuss coaching for emotional eating. Her overeating was causing her to regain weight she had worked extremely hard to lose–and she had lost a lot of weight. Like many of the high-achieving women who seek me out, she is an incredibly determined woman with a lot of willpower. She’s known for setting a goal and sticking to it. She’s been an example and a mentor in her local weight loss community—in great part because of her smarts, her get-it-done attitude, and her perseverance. But now, her weight has begun to creep back.

It’s an all-too-familiar story. The plot has different turns and twists each time I hear it, but essentially, her willpower and determination ran out. Life happened, she hit some extremely gnarly patches, and she relied on her sole strategy of toughing it out and staying the course. We all have our limits, and eventually she hit hers. The willpower and self-control weren’t enough to make her do what she didn’t really have the resources to do. And she began to falter.

She’s a lovely woman. But she has relied on herself for so much that she’s not very good at asking for help. In fact, she’s pretty skilled at turning the tables and helping you instead of letting you know what’s going on. She started to get scared and stressed and worried as she saw herself losing control of the number on the scale and of her eating. Her stress makes her overeating worse and her confidence shaky. Reaching out to me to ask about getting help was a very big deal for her. But she was still fighting a bigger battle about letting the help in in her mind.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going” is the kind of thing she tells herself. She’s come to see me about coaching for emotional eating, because a part of her knows she’s really not sure what to do with her feelings and because the weight is steadily coming back. But that voice in her head is still whispering about how she just needs to get tough again. She’s focused on that, she’s following her plan rigidly. She’s getting tougher because she is afraid. But she still doesn’t have the tools for dealing with reasons that she overeats. She has toughness, but for all of us, toughness has its limits.

We talk about emotional eating and overeating. We talk about coaching. We talk about how uncomfortable this whole conversation and asking for help may be for her. We talk about the investment that coaching for emotional eating is—what she hopes it will help her achieve and the costs if she doesn’t do something to make a change. It’s hard for her to think about what weight regain may cost her–because she feels too afraid to think about it. We talk about how hard it is without tools to help her with her feelings. “Yes,” she says, “That’s why I eat.”

But that voice in her head keeps whispering—it’s getting louder—and even I can hear it now. It says she just needs to be stricter. More disciplined. She needs to get on track. Get working out. That will do it. Except, I know that this is not true. Perseverance and discipline are great strengths, but they are not enough.

And then I hear the lie. The lie that so many people tell and so many people believe. As she explains why her self-discipline is so important, she says, “I guess I’m just not like a thin person who can eat whatever they want without thinking about it.” And, I’m pretty sure, with that statement, she decided that for now, what she needs, is to just keep focusing on being strong and tough.

I can’t be certain, I’m not her after all, but I’m pretty darn sure that she’s missing a piece of the puzzle—and I’m worried about her. The story she is telling herself is that thin people eat without awareness and without making deliberate choices. And that she is different because she needs to have self-discipline.

Here’s what’s dangerous about that. The piece of the puzzle she’s not acknowledging in this conversation includes the strategies and tools and resources that people use instead of overeating. This includes tools for comforting yourself, strategies for responding to stress, relaxing, dealing with conflict and anger and disappointment, celebrating, treating yourself, coping with boredom or disappointment or a broken heart or any other feeling or situation that may be your personal trigger to overeat. It also includes feeling alright about letting help in.

While I am sure there are exceptions, people who are thin and who don’t overeat do not mindlessly eat whatever they want AND they don’t all possess ungodly amounts of willpower. People who don’t rely on food (or other substances, etc.) to cope with life, usually have a whole extra skill set that many people who struggle with overeating haven’t developed or have underused, or maybe don’t even know exists.

This is good news. It means that if you struggle with overeating, there is HOPE. It means that you don’t have to spend your life struggling harder, getting tougher, and depriving yourself MORE. It means that with help and learning to do it DIFFERENTLY (that means getting more tools for emotional eating), your relationship with food can actually be easier and a whole lot different—maybe better than you ever imagined.

I haven’t heard from this bright, high-achiever since we spoke. My guess is that she has gone back to try willpower one more time. My hope is that she starts to shift her focus to the reasons that she overeats—so her life can get better. And that she lets some help in.

Change is not a one-shot-deal and it’s good to assess your progress along the way. Are you letting new tools in? Are you struggling to be tougher, have more willpower, or resign yourself to deprivation? Your choices are powerful.

Are you a smart, busy woman struggling with stress, overeating, or overload? Claim your free audio set: ”5 Simple Steps to Move Beyond Overwhelm With Food and Life” at www.TooMuchOnHerPlate.com.

Melissa McCreery, PhD, ACC, is a Psychologist, ICF Certified Life Coach, Emotional Eating Solutions specialist, and the founder of www.TooMuchOnHerPlate.com, a company dedicated to providing smart resources to busy women struggling with food, weight and stress. She is the author of the Emotional Eating Toolbox(TM) 28 Day Program and the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Weight Loss Surgery Edition. Bariatric professionals: Customized patient materials and programming are available for bariatric practices.

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Are You Building Your Life Around Your Recovery?

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(In this context I am using the term recovery to mean the freedom from the obsession with food and weight issues, the end of yo-yo dieting, the maintenance of a healthy and happy body.)

Have you defined for yourself mandatory positive self care rituals and routines: i.e. those things you must do on a consistent basis to support the maintenance of healthy weight loss?

Here are some of the most common “non-negotioables” that my clients have found to work for them in creating a life that supports long term weight loss:

set intention for the day: i.e.”It is my intention to treat myself with love and respect.”
daily meditation/conscious breathing
6-8 glasses of water daily
fresh fruit and veggies daily
minimum of 10 minutes intentional
movement/exercise daily
maintain awareness of breath throughout the day
take vitamins/supplements daily
positive self talk
make time to eat healthfully even when really busy (even just 10 minutes to be still and enjoy some yogurt and granola)
grocery shop and prepare foods for week
pack foods for the day
daily gratitude
connection to positive and supportive people
engage in some sort of fun activity or hobby on a regular basis
set boundaries
self love and compassion…no matter what!!

For those who are still constant passengers on the yo-yo dieting roller coaster, chances are you may be able to list your non-negotiables but you have not been able to incorporate them into your life on a consistent basis. If that’s the case you are most likely trying to build your recovery around your life. That usually doesn’t work for the long term. Think about it: if living your life the way you have been living it keeps you unhappy with your body and weight wouldn’t it make sense that some part of the way you are living your life must change if you want to be at peace with your body and weight?

Bottom line is this: you must allow your health and well being to be number one on your list of priorities. I know you have heard this time and time again. But it really is as simple as that.

I encourage you to set some time aside to be still and ask yourself, “What would my life look like if it was built around my recovery?” and “Am I building my life around my recovery or am I trying to build my recovery around my life?”

Know this: You have all the answers inside of you… all you have to do is listen…..

For information you can email me at louisa@louisalatela.com, call me at 856.429.9799 or visit www.liveyourhighestgood.com

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Three Nice Ways to Say “No” so You Can Stop Using Food for Comfort and Self-Care

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Emotional eating happens when you aren’t getting or giving yourself what you really need. Food becomes a way of trying to cope with feelings—to numb them, change them, or to try to comfort yourself when you have feelings that you don’t want to deal with directly. Many busy women trace their emotional eating to time issues.

“I take care of everyone else and there is nothing left over for me. I end up comfort eating.”

“I don’t have time to take care of me—so I eat.”

“By the time it’s my turn to get what I need, I’m too tired to do what I should do—so I eat.”

“I have so many responsibilities and so many people counting on me. I can’t begin to figure out how to fit myself in.”

The truth is that self-care and making time to respond to what you feel and need are critical ingredients to making lasting peace with food. However, when life feels so full and complicated, it’s easy to experience analysis paralysis about how or where to begin.

The place to begin is often carving out some solid space for you. You can’t get better at taking care of you unless you have the time and energy to do so. And since none of us can make time, you are probably going to have to get better at saying, “No” in some areas of your life so that you get to claim some space.

Want to know something? Some of the most capable, most professionally assertive and successful women don’t feel comfortable saying, “no” in situations where they really should. Instead of saying, “no,” they do more work. And they often find themselves at the bottom of their priority list. If you’re nodding your head, please know that it’s not just you.

Here are three nice ways to say, “no” so that you can claim more time and stop using food as a way to take care of you.

1. “I’d love to but I can’t.” Notice that this is short and sweet and includes no long explanations or justifications. This is key. An effective “no” does not open the door to negotiation and arm-twisting or to discussions of any guilt feelings that you might have.

2. “Unfortunately, that doesn’t work for me. I won’t be able to participate but thank you for thinking of me.” Again, you are expressing regret, being very pleasant, but keeping the conversation loop closed.

3. “I’m not available to do that/participate/attend.” The essential key is remembering that commitments to you count as much as commitments to anyone else. If your calendar says “go to the gym,” then you have a prior engagement. It’s not a flimsy excuse. Self-care commitments aren’t lightweight propositions that deserve to be brushed to the side to make room for important stuff. They are the important stuff that allows you to show up as your best self to take care of everything else.

And that’s the final and most important key to saying, “No” effectively. Once you start seeing what feeds you (and I’m not talking chocolate) as essential, you’ll feel more empowered to defend the space for it. I’m guessing you always make time to brush your teeth in the morning, right? Same concept. We do what we know we have to do.

Practice saying, “No.” Start with smaller, easier stuff.

Are you a smart, busy woman struggling with stress, overeating, or overload? Claim your free audio set: ”5 Simple Steps to Move Beyond Overwhelm With Food and Life” at www.TooMuchOnHerPlate.com.

Melissa McCreery, PhD, ACC, is a Psychologist, ICF Certified Life Coach, Emotional Eating Solutions specialist, and the founder of www.TooMuchOnHerPlate.com, a company dedicated to providing smart resources to busy women struggling with food, weight and stress. She is the author of the Emotional Eating Toolbox(TM) 28 Day Program and the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Weight Loss Surgery Edition. Bariatric professionals: Customized patient materials and programming are available for bariatric practices.

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