You Can’t Always Get What You Want
(No 2010 Resolutions, Instead Steady Resolve)By: Teresa Dunn, Celebrate Vitamins
“What would you do if you landed in a foreign country where you did not know anyone?” my therapist asked me during a long emotional session. I stared at her with a blank look then said “ I would figure it out, I would do what I had to do to survive.”
As I begin my journey into 2010, I am trying to refocus, and clean out things I don’t need. Things accumulate in our lives in more ways than one. Sometimes those with the neatest, cleanest houses have the most clutter in their emotional or spiritual lives.
Sometimes we hold on to things, ideas or even relationships because of the fantasy we create about them. Oh I agree there is a certain amount of trying and struggling that is necessary, but when is enough just that enough? I was told today I need to find balance in my life, and oddly enough I agree with the statement. There are some things in my life that I have been holding on to and allowing that are throwing me off balance. They say change is good, so why do we hold on to the things that we struggle with. Is it because we like the thing we are holding on to, or do we LIKE the struggle?
I had a very good friend once that told me people come into our lives for a reason, they serve a purpose and when the reason is no longer there we have to let those people go. I remember the day my friend said that to me and the song that immediately came to my mind was Dolly Parton’s I will always love you. I remember that day very well though, and immediately I started working hard to BE needed, to BE loved and to BE wanted. I thought at the time if I could BE all those things I would always have a friend. Well, that thought process is what often leads us to being the proverbial doormat with Welcome written in big letters. A doormat for the world, as it displays a sign that says you are welcome to not only step on me but to wipe all your crap on me in the process and then step over me leaving me injured and dirty.
This sounds so dark doesn’t it? Well it is dark, and though I focus on the sunshine before I can actually heal any wounds that are present I must touch them, acknowledge them and feel them, because these are the clouds that get in the way of true sunshine. It seems as though this “way” had become the way in all my relationships.
I have always changed who I am to BE what everyone else wanted. I had in essence become a chameleon. Like an actress in play, being the part for whoever was writing the script for the day, playing out the programs that everyone wanted.
Was I wrong or bad to try so hard to be what others wanted? No, I just had a lesson to learn. Do you remember what It was like working through a problem that you just couldn’t figure out in school, and how the aha moment came when you actually got it…
Being a part of a team is great, as long as you don’t have to change who you are to participate. If being in a relationship means you are on a team, it takes both players. Not one player making all the shots. Not one player calling every play. I want to dance through life, not have someone twirl me around and make me dizzy.
I believe we all have a higher power that goes with us through life. I believe that divinity dwells inside my heart and soul, it is my job to not forget that. Life is divine when I actually live It and stop cluttering it with debris that pulls me down.
I recently took a short vacation in Mexico, basically I found myself alone in another country, where they spoke a different language than I speak. I knew no one, and had no one to rely on for answers. Not only did I survive, I had a wonderful trip, and I thrived. I relied on myself, my choices, my intuition and my needs. I am thankful for a therapist who can help me stand back and realize these things and how they apply.
This year there will BE no resolutions for me, no promises to change my ways, or to be “better”. Instead I am making a resolve*to BE who I am!! No more striving to BE better or more, and no more settling for less..I resolve to not be co-dependant!