LIFE IS GOOD

(You’ve seen it on the t-shirts, but do you believe it?)

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Life is good!

I was recently in an airport and went into one of those “Life Is Good” shops. Life must be good on the merchant end, because nothing in that store was a bargain…But we buy the t-shirts, mugs, bumper stickers because we need to believe that “Life Is Good!”

From where I sit, life is good. The only problem I have with living is the sabotage I inflict upon myself out of old ways of thinking and behaving.

For example, I recently was immersed in a situation which, for one reason or another, caused me to feel “less than” the people around me. I felt mistreated and I felt misunderstood. Old ways of thinking about myself popped up. Pretty soon I was riding a wave of sadness.

Fortunately, things have changed, and I am now surrounded by people who have a positive perspective and show respect to me.

What does this have to do with weight loss? Assuming that losing weight is going to cure all life’s problems is a crock. A surgery pal of mine recently noted that he thought all his troubles were related to weight until he lost weight…Now he is facing the issues that have been uncovered. The weight issues only masked the real problems.

But, let me remind you, Life Is Good. This golden opportunity of yours to be healthier, look better, and be treated fairly is also an opportunity for emotional and psychological growth.

If you catch yourself slipping into old ways of thinking about yourself (“I’m so stupid.” “I’ll never amount to anything.” “No one will ever love me.”), do what I have done. Get a rubber band (of if you’re from Pittsburgh, get a gumband)!

You heard right. Get a rubber band. Put it on your wrist. Each time a negative thought enters your mind or crosses your lips, snap that rubber band on your wrist. Pretty soon you will begin to reprogram your ways of thinking. When you recognize the negative thought or word, rephrase it in your mind or out loud. (“I am an intelligent person.” “I will succeed in all my goals.” “I am worthy of love.”

Trust me, after a while, that rubber band hurts, and you will learn to stop yourself mid-thought. Pretty soon, you will no longer “go there.”

Remember, Life Is Good. It’s better than you could have dreamed.

Jennifer Ross Sawyer, LPC Jennifer is in Private practice in Charlotte, NC.

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Seven Years Out

(Life in the Slim Lane)

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Some days I take this gift of Weight Loss Surgery for granted!

Not so today!

I ran across some old pictures. “When was I ever that big?” I said. My grandson said, “Who is that, Grandmama?” (I was holding his one-year-old self in the picture)!

What if….What if I had not had surgery…What if I had not lost the weight that was killing me…What if my daughter and my husband had not had surgery also?

I can tell you “what.” The quality of our lives would not be what it is today! We’d be taking more medications! We’d have less energy!

My daughter calls and says, “I think I’ll take the kids roller skating” instead of “I’m so tired!” My husband says, “I just want to put out the rest of this mulch before I stop!”

So, I have a mulched yard and roller skating grandchildren!

I also enjoy getting dressed up, and I like to swim (in a swimsuit)! That could never have been the case before I made the decision that gave me my life as it is today—seven years ago…

What a gift! Yesterday—a cancelled check; tomorrow, a promissory note. Today? Ahhhhhhhh…….

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Our Class Reunion

(“You look like a movie star, they said!”)

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Last weekend, we attended my husband’s fortieth class reunion. It was amazing.

Everyone was so complimentary about the way we looked. Frankly, we thought we looked pretty good, too!

After all, both Kenneth and I have lost over 100 pounds…and despite my previous blog (“I Liked You Better Before”), I am so proud of him and the way he has taken care of himself.

He has exercised, he has eaten right (most of the time), and we are both working together to be healthier, happier, and hoping to live longer lives together.

We did notice, however, that a few of his classmates were not as fortunate as we have been. We wondered if they knew about the surgery, or if they knew and didn’t think it was their “cup of tea.”

It was only minutes before we were walking out the door that we told anyone our “secret to success.” One of his classmates shared with us that he had an appointment with a bariatric surgeon. We were glad we were able to encourage him. We were happy to spread the “good news.”

What a gift we gave ourselves when we said “yes” to surgery.

It made our class reunion a lot more fun!

Jennifer is in private practice in Charlotte, NC. You can reach her through jen@jentalk.com or www.jentalk.com.

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I LIKED YOU BETTER BEFORE!

(Support People Have a Hard Job!)

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My husband and I just celebrated our 2nd anniversary.

I met Kenneth again after thirty years. He used to sit behind me in grammar school. When we got married, he was a jolly, fun, delightfully pleasing big guy. I felt like a princess around him.

But, I had concerns about his health. He had diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. No matter how much he dieted and took those long walks, he never was able to lose more than 30 to 40 pounds without a weight regain to follow.

I encouraged him to have weight loss surgery. I prayed for him to have weight loss surgery. I secretly asked my weight loss surgery friends to encourage him. And so, last September, he had RNY.

In the ensuing months, he has lost at least 105 pounds, looks like a different man, is neat, handsome, and confident.

BUT, now I know how others must have felt about me when I was in this honeymoon stage…When I went through this wonderful time of discovery, it was ALL ABOUT ME!

Now, it’s all about him.

He would deny that, of course.

My word to you today is…be patient with each other. There are so many changes in your relationship…Kenneth and I have together lost over 200 pounds. That changes things! We are NEW people.

New, healthy people.

I want to give credit to all those supporting cast members who are patient and kind while their spouses are going through the fascination of being a new person.

Can I get some feedback from anyone on this topic?

Jennifer Ross Sawyer, MA, NCC, LPC

Married to a 100+# Loser

A Loser Myself

www.jentalk.com

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PLASTIC SURGERY

(Do you need it?)

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For 100 pound plus losers, slack skin can be not only a physical obstacle, but it can be an emotional roadblock to maintaining weight loss.

About six years ago, I met some of the most wonderful women I’ve ever known. I believe we will remain friends throughout our lives.

Four of the six of us had plastic surgery after massive weight loss. I envied the new body shapes, the flat bellies, the perky breasts.

While they were having their bodies sculpted, I was preoccupied with fighting breast cancer.

It is no small matter that my diagnosis was made after the thickness of my breasts would have prevented detection of the cancers.

At my previous level of morbid obesity, treatment by mastectomy may not have been an option in quelling the movement of the aggressive form of cancer that was eating me.

So, make note, I’m not complaining.

I’m asking a question. My dear friends who at the first year of their journeys had full body lifts, tummy tucks, and other procedures seem to have been able to change their mental images of themselves and appear to have had easier times keeping their weight down, fitting into new sizes, and picturing themselves as thin persons.

For five plus years, I have tucked my apron into my jeans, felt like a fat girl, and felt like I was not as successful as my surgically altered friends.

Do I need to have plastic surgery to feel more successful? Do you?

Please leave your comments here.

And, let me remind you of ONE THING—-I AM SO GLAD TO BE ALIVE!

Jennifer has a private practice, Ballantyne Counseling, in Charlotte, NC. You can check out her website at www.jentalk.com.

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Can You See Things My Way?

(Emotional Eating is the Enemy)

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I met a man today who made things clear to me. Changing behavior is not easy. And I am my own worst enemy.

I love to tell the stats from the NIH only 5 to 10% can lose weight and keep it off when they are morbidly obese.

But I don’t like to face another reality. I am a robot. And I have programmed me.

All these years I’ve allowed myself to give in to food. Happy times required food. Sad times made it mandatory. Food has been the answer for every good and bad moment in my life.

I am programmed to turn to food.

Guess what I learned today. I CAN change, and IT WON’T BE EASY.

Every synapse of my neurology knows that whatever happens, food is the answer. Can that be changed?

It can, but we are kidding ourselves if we think that surgery or a new figure or a new relationship is going to fix things without some serious work…

Remember the story of the man who walked down the street and fell in a hole? The next day he walked down the street and saw the hole and fell in the hole.

When our neural pathways cry out for completion by the insertion of food in our mouths and we give in, we are seeing the hole and falling in.

The next day, he walked down the street and walked way around the hole. Ah, consciousness! The lightbulb came on! He didn’t have to fall in the hole. He had choices!

The next day, he took another street. Taking another street on enough days will change the programming of the robot (me, you) and before long, we will not have such a fight with the beckonings of food.

But don’t kid yourself. It won’t be all that easy. To overcome the flesh requires a toughness that is beyond our learned helplessness.

But it can be done. And you and I can do it.

Thank you, Psychologist Anthony Pedone, at Lilac Springs, for sharing what every veteran of weight loss surgery needs to know.

You’ll be hearing more about my visit with Tony in days to come…

Jennifer Ross Sawyer is in private practice at Ballantyne Counseling in Charlotte, NC. You may reach her through jen@jentalk.com or at 704-200-3540.

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Oh My!

(Did you see the celebrity news?)

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I’m not criticizing Carnie. I love her! I’ve read her books, listened to her music, celebrated her successes, taken her advice…but I am so sad that she is struggling so. Worse than feeling sad for her, her news terrifies me. Could I go back, too? Could that 200 mark find me there also?

Well, Colleen, I’d better get your Success Habits book out and review how to stay healthy!

I think I need a number on the scale that I will not allow myself to go beyond. Maybe Carnie had one, too, but for me, I have to be committed and serious about getting “back on track” when I see the numbers creeping up…

You know, that scale scares me. Sometimes I avoid it. And sometimes it is not bad news! When I finally get the courage to weigh, I might find that I have not gained weight, or that I have lost weight! That’s why a scientific approach is necessary—weigh regularly!

If old habits are causing the scale to creep up, we know what to do! Make sure there is no soda in the house, stop eating those white carbs, take those vitamins religiously, give yourself some positive self-talk, and get to the gym or the pool or out on the walking trail!

Carnie admits that she has addiction problems. So many of us do. If you do, GET HELP! Addiction requires counseling, group therapy, self-help, and accountability. Take yourself seriously. Open your eyes and get the help you need!

Carnie, we love you. We want to hear some good news from you. We are rooting for you, and we are in your corner!

Jennifer Sawyer is in private practice at Ballantyne Counseling in Charlotte, NC. You may reach her through www.jentalk.com.

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BRAVERY

(Are you a bully? A doormat?)

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Individuals under stress often react in extremes. Obese people sometimes feel “different” from others. They may feel “self conscious” instead of “self confident.”

These extreme feelings manifest expression in behavior. Some people become bullies, and some people become victims. Some people become “bossy;” others become overly compliant.

I must have been being bossy the day I learned that I was “fat.” I was only 6 years old. My cousin from town had come to visit. When we were playing, he said, “Just because you’re fat doesn’t mean you can always have your way.” Some people demand their way. You must be brave to stand up for yourself. My cousin was.

Demanding your own way is not very attractive, but some people just like to be the boss, no matter who they hurt.

An equally unattractive attribute is being willing to lie down and become somebody’s doormat. Do you do one or the other?

If you have been the doormat, after weight loss you may try to break those old habits of allowing others to take advantage of you. You must be brave enough to stand up to the bully and say, “I’m not going to take it anymore.”

Developing assertiveness takes guts. An essentially overlooked fact is that if there is one area of your life in which you are allowing yourself to be victimized, that area of your life will be permeated everything you do will be tainted by your unconscious attitude.

You cannot have full integrity in your life if you allow victimization in your life at all.

When you allow yourself to be a victim, you are not open to experiencing the whole of life. It is hard to think when someone is “on your back.” Creativity is stifled. Your joy is stolen.

Are you brave enough to speak up for yourself? When someone “talks down”: to you, do you just swallow and absorb their negativity into your soul? Of do you refuse to be treated poorly and speak up for yourself?

You must be brave. Your life depends on it.

If you are having trouble with a bully in your life, maybe we should talk.

Visit me at www.jentalk.com.

Jennifer is in private practice in Charlotte, North Carolina.

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A Poem

(Bariatric patients are unique.)

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REMEMBER WHO THEY ARE

They come by the hundreds, seeking,

Not knowing how their lives will change.

They come because they hope.

Some smile, some cry.

They demand a date—

The date they expect to awake or die.

Their feelings have been in their bellies so long

That a demon has formed, demanding food.

When their bellies are rearranged

And the demon cries to quench their pain,

they cannot.

They look in the mirror and say,

“Who is that gorgeous creature?”

And get caught up in a strange high.

Some are propelled into new addictions,

Some are plunged to new depths.

They see themselves for the first time

And demand better treatment.

They stand in their place.

The world opens up.

They need each other.

This journey is too treacherous for one alone.

We alone can do this.

But we cannot do it alone.

—Jennifer Ross Sawyer

Jennifer is in private practice in Charlotte, NC. You may read more at www.jentalk.com.

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Live!

(Don’t wait for good things to happen!)

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He sat in my office, a new man. He pre-op weight was over 400, and now, he was feeling great, as the gastric bypass weight loss was occurring like magic.

I’ll never forget what he said, and I want you to hear it too.

He said, “I don’t believe God put me in this position so that I could continue to sit on the couch with a remote in my hand.”

He went on to tell me that he believed that his higher power was calling him to do something significant with his life.

He never felt worthy to do somehthing significant before.

Now his ideas were boundless—go back to school, learn to play tennis, volunteer, help with support group, write a book, share his story with others, get involved in his church, and on and on.

Don’t pass up the opportunity to really live.

A poem:

I will not die an unlived life.

I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosening my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which came to me as a seed goes to the next blossom, and that which came to me as a blossom, goes on as fruit.

-Dawna Markova-

Now. Go, live!

Jen

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